What if part of feeling stuck isn’t because you need to pray more, try harder, have more faith, be more patient, or become a “better Christian”?
What if the ache comes from sincerely trying to live out Scripture… through a lens that was shaped long before you even realized it?
I say that gently.
Because for many of us, the way we learn to relate to others — and even the way we learn to relate to God — begins forming long before we realize it.
Through relationships. Family dynamics. Painful experiences. Attachment. The environments we grew up in. The beliefs we quietly absorbed about love, safety, worth, conflict, forgiveness, emotions, and even what it means to be “good.”
And without even realizing it, those experiences often become the lens through which we read and begin to understand Scripture.
It’s one of the reasons neuroscience, psychology, and Scripture align so beautifully.
Because God already knew what science is catching up to: what shapes us matters.
How we think matters. Our relationships matter. Renewing the mind matters. Guarding the heart matters.
For years, I knew I loved God deeply. I prayed. Read Scripture. Tried harder to be a “good” Christian woman. My husband and I desperately wanted peace in our marriage and relationships, yet painful cycles still repeated.
Not because God failed us.
And not because Scripture wasn’t true.
But because we didn’t yet understand how to fully live it out — through the fuller picture of God’s love, truth, wisdom, and design for relationships.
And friend? Learning that changed everything.
We could talk about dozens of Scriptures that, when partially understood or taken out of fuller context, quietly lead us away from the fullness of God’s heart for us and how He calls us to lovingly relate to ourselves and others…
but for today, I want to share four of the most common — and four that deeply changed my life.
1. “Forgive 70×7” Doesn’t Mean Reconciliation or Instant Trust
One of the verses that kept me stuck for years was Jesus telling us to forgive “seventy times seven” (Matthew 18:21–22 NIV).
For a long time, I quietly translated that to mean:
Keep tolerating.
Keep reconnecting no matter what.
Keep trying harder – maybe it’s just me.
They said they were sorry… even if nothing changed, I just need to forgive and move on.
But the truth is, yes, forgive 70×7 — but forgiveness and reconciliation are not the same thing.
Forgiveness is something God invites us into for the freedom of our own hearts. Forgiveness is given, not earned, and we are called to forgive as He forgave us. Reconciliation, however, requires willingness, accountability, repair, honesty, and changed behavior from both people.
Trust is rebuilt over time through consistency.
Even Jesus loved deeply while also having boundaries. He forgave freely, but He didn’t entrust Himself to everyone (John 2:24). He often withdrew, spoke truth, and modeled wisdom in relationships.
Forgiveness matters.
But forgiving someone doesn’t automatically mean returning to the same unhealthy patterns, dynamics, or level of access.
Take a moment to reflect:
Is there a relationship where I’ve confused forgiveness with requiring reconciliation, trust, or the absence of boundaries?
2. “Turn the Other Cheek” Was Never Permission for Harmful Patterns
This one changed so much for me.
For years, I was told to just “turn the other cheek” (Matthew 5:39 NIV):
Just pray for them.
Be kind.
Keep the peace.
And honestly? That’s what I began to live by…
Stay quiet.
Don’t rock the boat.
Just tolerate it.
Keep sacrificing yourself.
But historically, Jesus was speaking into a culture where a backhanded slap was often an act of humiliation and power — not simply physical harm.
Turning the other cheek was actually a radical act of dignity.
It disrupted shame.
It communicated:
You may mistreat me, but I will not abandon my God-given worth.
Jesus wasn’t teaching us to silently tolerate unhealthy dynamics, repeated disrespect, or painful cycles.
He modeled love and truth.
Compassion and wisdom.
Grace and boundaries.
Sometimes “turning the other cheek” looks less like silence and more like responding differently — without retaliation, but also without abandoning yourself.
Take a moment to reflect:
Where might God be inviting me to respond with truth, wisdom, and dignity instead of fear, people-pleasing, or silence?
3. So What Does “Love Endures All Things” Really Mean?
I think many of us hear “love endures all things” (1 Corinthians 13:7 ESV) and assume it means:
Stay no matter what.
Tolerate everything.
Don’t have needs.
Don’t speak up.
But enduring was never meant to mean abandoning yourself.
Biblical love is patient, kind, honest, wise, and rooted in truth.
Love can endure hard seasons.
Love can persevere through struggle.
Love can forgive.
But love was never meant to enable unhealthy cycles without accountability, repair, growth, or wisdom.
Sometimes enduring means actively working through hard seasons together.
That may mean learning healthier ways of relating, communicating, repairing, and growing within the relationship itself.
Jesus loved perfectly without abandoning truth.
He rested.
He stepped away to pray.
He confronted lovingly.
He didn’t say yes to every demand.
And neither are we called to lose ourselves in the name of love.
Take a moment to reflect:
Have I mistaken endurance for self-abandonment, silence, or over-functioning?
4. Mutual Love & Submission: The Part We Sometimes Miss
This one deserves an entire future blog post.
But for now, let me gently say this:
When we hear verses about submission in marriage, many of us stop reading too soon.
Right before wives are instructed to submit, Ephesians 5:21 (NIV) says:
“Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.”
Mutual love.
Mutual honor.
Mutual sacrifice.
Mutual care.
A Christ-centered relationship was never meant to leave one person voiceless, unseen, exhausted, or carrying everything alone.
Godly love does not ask us to lose ourselves.
It invites us to grow, repair, communicate, love wisely, and reflect the heart of Christ together.
And friend? Jesus is the picture of love.
Not fear.
Not control.
Not shame.
Love.
Take a moment to reflect:
How might God want to restore how I see myself — and how He truly calls me to lovingly relate to others, as I love myself?
Final Reflection Questions
Before you go, sit with these gently:
1. Is there a belief or Scripture I may need to revisit with greater Scriptural context?
2. Where might I still be operating from coping or survival patterns instead of truth and peace?
3. What relationship dynamic in my life feels painful, confusing, or stuck right now?
4. How might God want to restore how I see myself — and how He truly calls me to lovingly relate to others, as I love myself?
5. What is one gentle next step I can take toward truth, wisdom, peace, or restoration?
Final Thoughts
Friend, the story never changed.
Scripture never changed.
But sometimes, through greater understanding, truth, and renewal… we begin to see it more fully. Perhaps realizing there may be more to the story than what we once understood.
And the best news? It still comes from the same Author.
How beautiful is that? 🤍
